


Laughter

by ritsuko



Series: Die Hündin von HYDRA [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Dehumanization, Emotional Disconnect, Horrified Steve, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Laughter, M/M, Past Abuse, Puppy Play, Smile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-22 05:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3717442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritsuko/pseuds/ritsuko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants to make Steve laugh, but can only think of ways that made his abusers laugh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> . . . I was washing dishes the other night and this came to me I'M SORRY.
> 
> Also, the puppy play tag is because I'm not sure what else to call it; there's no really tag for dehumanizing someone to the point that they think they are nothing more than an animal. . . :p

They're doing dishes, Natalia washing and Steve drying. She doesn't like to be called Natalia, but that is who he remembers her as, even though for her it was so long ago. So long that she has either forgotten or refuses to remember. There's not much that can be done about it; she already doesn't like him. But then, she had always been leery of him.

They are joking over something, and she does something with her hands in the water that makes a small spurt splash from her hands onto Steve's shirt.

"Hey!" He laughs, sounding indignant, "What do you think you're doing?"

"C'mon Rogers, surely Captain America can handle a little soap." She teases, and splashes him again. In turn, Steve snaps at her with the towel in his hands. The scene degrades until they are both a giggling, soapy mess. He watches them, focused on Steve's perfect smile, a look of happiness on his face that hasn't really been there since he has been living with him.

He suddenly wants to make him laugh.

Natalia notices his intense stare first, quieting immediately. Steve takes only a second longer, following her gaze to him only a split second later. "You okay, Buck?"

Steve always calls him that, thinking it sounds familiar to him. It never does.

". . . you're making a mess." He states, and for some reason, that makes Steve laugh again. It's like music to his ears and he knows that he has to find more ways to make the blonde laugh just for him.

~*~

It's been hours since Natalia has left. He and Steve are sitting down to watch a little television before bedtime. Steve keeps smiling at jokes on a sitcom that he himself doesn't quite seem to grasp. It's not like he can ask why the lines delivered with canned laughter are considered hilarious.

He stares intently at the other man until Steve notices. "What's wrong, Bucky?"

Blinking, he murmurs, "You like to laugh."

Steve gives him a strange little smile as if he doesn't understand. "Well, of course, Bucky. Everyone loves to laugh."

He contemplates that. The handlers always seemed to rib and joke with each other, and even Pierce was better when he had a smile on his lips. He nods sagely.

"Can I make you laugh?"

The blonde looks slightly surprised by the question, but then beams softly at him. "Of course, Bucky. You always used to tell great jokes. Played great pranks too." He can see the hope in Steve's eyes, like this means that his friend is emerging from the depths of the soldier, and for a moment, he feels like a fraud.

But he wants to make Steve happy. When the handler is happy, he doesn't get hurt. He slides off the couch, onto the ground so he is staring up at the blonde from all fours. Steve looks quizzically at him, as if he's unsure what is going on.

This always made the handlers laugh, although even this he doesn't understand the hilarity of. But then, he doesn't find anything funny.

Steve's not wearing shoes, just warm socks, but all the same, he sticks his tongue out and laps at the toes. He can hear Steve suck in a breath, confusion evident in the sound.

"Bucky, what are you-"

He barks, looking up at the blonde with eyes lidded, shaking his rear back and forth. The blood drains from Steve's face, and suddenly he wonders what he's doing wrong.

He throws himself into it, rubbing his cheeks along the insides of Steve's calves, snuffling in the way he remembers the techs and handlers chuckled at. For some reason they had thought his submission was amusing.

Steve makes a sound, but it's not a laugh.

It's most definitely a sob. 

Stilling he stares up, confused. The handlers had always enjoyed treating him as their dog, rewarding him for good behavior. Laughing the more realistic he became. 

He doesn't understand why tears are streaking down Steve Rogers' face.

"Bucky, why are you doing that?"

He recoils as if he's been slapped. His gaze drops to the floor, and he wonders if the rebuke is going to come, if there will be pain, but nothing comes.

Only the sound of Steve's hitched breaths.

"I thought. . ." He breathes, waiting for the slap. It always comes. But there's nothing. "I thought it would make you laugh. They always laughed."

There is silence for a long while, but he doesn't dare to look up. Steve's knees hit the floor, a whisper of "Oh, Bucky. . ."

Arms wrap around him. Moisture seeps into his shirt where Steve's buried his face into it. That body shudders against him, and he knows that he has failed in this task, with each silent tremor.

Unbidden, his hands reach up to rub soft circles on Steve's back, willing the pain he caused to go away. It feels familiar.

He'll never try to act as he shouldn't again. Weapons aren't supposed to feel, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> [TUMBLR!](http://ritsuko-chan.tumblr.com)
> 
> yeah, that was a thing. . . lol


End file.
